A Convo w/ Carla - Friendships, Hormones and Hanky Panky!

Carla is a 58 year old fitness icon!  She is a wife, mother and lover of Jesus.  She has a massive following of women who are inspired by her every day. Find her on Facebook  and Instagram: YourAgeIsNotYourCage 

How lucky was I to have Carla Allen over for conversation and coffee?  She asked if she could swing by -  to talk shop.  Once we were settled into the studio, our discussion veered away from microphones and interfaces.. and took another turn…

We gabbed for two hours on friendships, life, marriage, hormones and more. I knew when I pressed  the 'record' button (while she was mid-sentence) was a good move….I captured  an unfiltered -but caffeinated -conversation. It’s packed full of Texan momma wisdom, stories and encouragement.  You may laugh a little too!

www.thechatterboxradio.com
www.carriefarris.com

Chapters

• 1:03 Carla Speaks Friendships
• 18:50 Hormones and Hanky
• 25:32 Mental Issues Blocking the Drive?

Transcript

Unknown: 0:33

Oh my gosh, have you heard Carla and Carrie's convo? Oh, yeah. Carla and Carrie's conversation. Hi, Trevor. That is correct. Oh, sure. Okay. It's been said that time is not in the milestone, rather, and made simple moments together that may not be the best choice. That's just playing into their mind that they can't, can't do it. I can't change. I can't do this. I'm too old. Whatever it may be, that hurts too much, whatever. Everybody has their own stories and reasons, you know? Yeah. I don't know. I feel like I'm kind of being led on this. This other journey. And a lot of it, I think, has come because of just the stuff I've been going through. Yeah. And I think a lot of that has come in, and other women's stories that that have reached out to me about wanting to share stuff. And I think it can encourage and help so many women. And I like telling stories. I like hearing stories. I like asking questions. I like that would be easy and comfortable for him. Yeah. Now awesome. I feel like I'm gonna say we're so much the same in that way. When I look at my podcast, and I look back or I see it. It's, you know, when I reached out to you, and I was like, I really want to do something like that. Because I feel like every one of those stories is so. Oh, so yeah, it's their heart. Yeah. But everybody's going through something hard. And I just feel like I wanted to get the words, the word and the stories out there. So people can say, oh, my gosh, I'm not alone. Yeah. Some of these stories are just will blow your mind. No way. Yeah. How? And people are walking around every day, with this story inside, and no one knows. And it's just such great. Yeah, there are people for them to get it out. Yeah, it's also why I started that monthly group. You know, the women's group is just a place. I mean, so many people are just women are, are lonely. They don't, they don't feel like they trust other women, they've had experiences that have just heard them. And they don't want to go to Bible studies, or they don't want to go to these women groups or they don't, you know, and, and a place just to go and be in, enjoy women and share the hearts if you want to share your hearts and share the praises. And the whole idea behind not having the crosstalk where everybody starts giving their input that just sitting with that becoming a good lesson or the art of listening instead of trying to think what she'd finished. So I could tell her I what I've been through. Yeah, you know, it's like, you should do this, right? You should do that when actually, it's just like our husbands, right? Is we don't want them to fix it. We just want them to hear yes. And I think we as women have a hard time because we're so emotional. We want I mean, we want to jump in, and we want to, you know, whether it's comfort or whatever. And then the whole point of that is to perfect your art of listening and just not jumping ahead and trying to think how you want to respond to what you want to say to her, but sit with it, empathize with her, and then later, go up in love on her and say, Hey, let's let's go walk up, grab coffee. And, you know, I'd love to share with you, you know what I've been through like that. I love to getting together for that dinner, it was so out of my comfort zone. And I didn't know what I was gonna say. And then, you know, we just ate and hang out. And that was nice. And at the end, you're like, What was the question specifically? I remember your heart. Yes. Because the first one we did the first month, I had shared that our question was what is your heart? You know, what is your heart right now. And then if people want to share price, it doesn't have to be at heart. It can be something great. And it's amazing. Like, even in that first time that we met, you know, you have the young 24 year olds, and then you have, you know, think I was the eldest. But there's different hards where one felt like, oh, but my heart doesn't seem that hard compared to what you just shared. And it's like, no, your heart is your heart, whatever you're going through, and hers was more on just that young age and comparison. And, well, we don't have what they have yet. And I feel like we're behind and, and that kind of thing and then felt awful about comparing, you know, and that was her hard but it felt so minor compared to some of the heavy stuff that was shared. Yeah, but we all feel that way. Yeah, like we can validate her feeling. Yeah, you know, and that's the beauty of also having the diff and ages, because I mean, we can help pour in and speak life to these young newly married couples, these whatever, you know, the newly one that's fresh out of rehab a year on a rehab, you know all the different stories, but then they can pour on us and help us understand that age that generation what what's going on there? I don't know. That's, I loved it. I just want to thank you so much for including me and asking me to go that because then when we sat down and you asked a question, and I was like, what it was, what am I going to say? And he went for it. Like, being here with all of you. And talking, trying to do this, again, like, how many groups have I been in and they've all been great seasons, and some of them weren't so great. It was all because silly thing. Oh, and went through so many seasons of just when you look back, it's like, how did I do that? Or say that? Or who was that? You know, and, you know, even where, April and I have, you know, I reached out to her whenever that was, I mean, we had kind of came together before she left, but it never felt resolved resolved. I didn't have a piece about it. And I just felt like I just still had to reach out to her and say, hey, you know, I just need to say that I apologize. And I'm really sorry, because some of that stuff was just so freakin stupid. Yeah, I don't even know was that I don't know what it is. But yeah, I can only imagine like, getting all my water. Yeah, it's right here. I just don't want to squish the little dog. That's so funny. You're the cat whisperer. Carla, look at it. I don't have a cat, but she's a cat might have a dog. She doesn't come out. And here you are. She loves you. Um, and it's funny that you mentioned listening, because I feel like no one listens. And well, and that's where anytime I'm going in conversation or anything with people, especially if it's confrontational, possibly. It's just always, you know, work. Give me the words, I need your words, you know, close my mouth, to the things I shouldn't say. Because way back when I say whatever, I want it. If someone irritated me, they were going to know it. You know, and then over the years, God started timing my tongue. And I think that's why when I think back, I just use April's an example. But even stuff with her. I'm like, What in the world? You know, what was that? When I mean, I was gonna say, I know what a lot of it was. Yeah, it was it for you. You know, I think so much of it was, was the always feeling like I had to just cling so tightly to friendships and, and just, you know, just growing up and the things I dealt with just with trauma and, and always, always being judged. Like, this makes me think of the coaching and stuff like we were just talking about the always being judged before people knew me just based on how I look. Yes. And oh, she's must be this or that, or this or that the way they feel and all that. So in damned if you're out of shape, and damned if you're Yeah, what where do you win. And on the outside, people thought I was just so confident. And all this on the inside, I was this little girl that had been abused and all this stuff. So lacked self confidence. So I feel like I was just always looking to other people and grabbing on to those friendships from, you know, I don't. But then when other people would come in to that friendship, like a friendship of three, I'd feel threatened, that I was going to lose that friend that they were going to lead me and all that goes back to abandonment. And, you know, my dad in and out of the house of, you know, all the things that happened with him. And it was just like, I was constantly protecting myself constantly. And I think a lot of that was the situation there. Yeah, and I totally relate. Because one of my triggers was when someone assumed someone something about me, that's completely untrue. Yeah. And acute accusing me. Because what set me off was, here's the accusation. And I've already talked to 10 people about it, and they all agree with me and I went, Oh my gosh, you know, 10 people, number one, number two, we don't know 10 people together. Number three. Why would you even say that? Number four, why are you gossiping behind my back? What you're saying is not even true. So you just read it to people. That is not even true. Yeah. Yeah. Friends that are going to take it to God and to you, and I know not everyone know, not a lot of people that you can trust. And so that's kind of where I went was I just can't trust a lot of people. Oh, yeah. And there's only a few people. And so when you came back in my life and invited me that I trust you, I know who you are, I know that you're not perfect. I'm not perfect, but I know who you go to. Yeah. And that you're just trying to be the best you that you can be. And I'm still gonna screw up. Yeah. And if we're both knowing that and humble enough, then why is it? Why do we, you know, try to do the best I can you have all these kids when you have time? Yeah. For relationships with other women. And then part of me is like, why even bother? Like, I want to help people that it seems like as soon as I get close to people, or in a smaller group, yeah, something happens. Yeah. And so I'm just gonna retreat. Yeah. And I know, that's not right. No, it's not right. And, you know, unfortunately, my daughter has dealt with so much that she runs to that retreating, because of just some really hurtful, you know, friendships and stuff. And, I mean, she's definitely getting better. And she recognized, I can't, I can't hide, I can't retreat, you know, I have to keep pursuing and keep getting out there. And I mean, we know God doesn't want us alone. He wants us with people and community and the enemy wants us alone. And then isolation, because that's where he can really work on us. You know, that's truth. And I mean, I've been there and I'm good at I am so okay, at being alone. And sometimes too much, where I have to make myself go do stuff, you know, where I have friends, they always have to be with someone or even just going to the store, whatever it is, I'm like, you know, I am so okay. But I know sometimes I do it, to an extent too much. Where I'm not. I'm not surrounding myself with people and doing things but but you are so confident. And, you know, we just talked about the wounds and the patterns and the history and trying to change it all. What point of it was a change for you, when you decided to do your ages, not your cage and put yourself out there, like what made you do it, it's like, I just and I'm like you I don't like getting on that I don't. And I vowed this is not going to be a filtered, everything has to look beautiful thing, because I'm like, if I'm gonna say your age is not your cage. That is not what this is about. This is about being who you are. And, and it's not always easy. And I would go to do a live not alive, but like just a story. And then I'd see me in it, you know, picking myself apart, you know, oh, look at that I should add better lighting or look at my wrinkles. And I might hit post and don't even think about you know, and that's what I just forced myself to start doing. And that's funny because other people tell me, you know, you do great on those you. You just like a natural. And do I feel that when I'm doing it? Not at all. It's very forced. I would rather not do any social media. And it's not my favorite. I think it's also fake anyway, yeah, I do get there's benefits, there are people there are things on follow that I do I love looking at. But it's just such an unreal world. It is, you know, so how do you do it and be real, but connect with people, but it's like this thing. And it's just the more and more I've just learned just be you. And if you connect, and you feel like I'm getting something from this and inspiration or information or whatever it is encouragement, great. If not, find the next person, you know, because I'm going to be mean, if you're not gonna like me, then I care. You have to go into it. Literally taking yourself out of it. This is not about me. This is about who I'm trying to talk to right now. This is about whoever hears this and it resonates. This is not about me, me. It's not how I look. It's not how I sound. It's not if I say, um, it's not all this stupid thing. So if I have the best lighting, yeah, that is not what it's about. It is about speaking in a some one person that needed to hear that word that day. Yeah. And I you know, I've had people reach out and then there'll be times nothing crickets, you know? And it's, it's like, you have to make yourself also not worry about that, or go look at the numbers or who's doing you know, looking at your stuff or who's commenting or whatever. Because then that's where you're like, Oh, well, no one cared about that. Or, and I mean, it's literally and before I do anything, I pray and I just I do like I said I asked I asked the Lord just give me the words let me say what I'm supposed to put out there and and that's it and I know when I do it that way. It works when I go into it really trying to force something or feeling like me and I haven't like if you look lately I haven't put really anything Any, like live stories, anything? Because I haven't wanted to on my I am not going to force myself because it'll seem forced. Oh yeah. So I'm not, I'm not going to do it. And I'll just put some other stuff out there just to keep it going. But it's only when I'm fully not worried about myself. Yeah. Yeah. So if it's about me, it's going to be apparent. Yeah. So you felt like your age is now your cage like that kind of developed? Do you think just over the past years and years of just knowing women and being in these, you know, groups, and then you've always trained or taught or given advice and that kind of thing? And it just seemed naturally to? It just came? Yeah, it just developed? Yeah, I just, I don't know that that phrase is stuck with me. Because I think women and it can I apply to younger ones and older ones pick get stuck in this cage, this mindset of if you're younger, well, I'm too young to make a difference. I'm too young to have a voice, I'm too young to go after what I want to go after. You know, no one's gonna listen to me. And then as you get older, it's the whole Oh, well, I just have to accept this because I'm, I'm in menopause, or my joints are gonna hurt. It just comes with age, or I'm too old to try anything new, or start something new or, and it's just all this mindset of just this cage that you can't do anything, and it all revolves around your age. And it's like, take the age equation out of it. And I will say that one, you are one of the ones that made that statement to me, not your age is not your cage. But when you came to my class, when I was teaching at the CrossFit and doing TRX and all that, do you remember when I was my birthday? I do. And I was gonna be 15 like it and you were like, do not ever say that again, you say, I'm 50 with excitement, enthusiasm, and whatever you said, thankfulness because do you know how many women for one will want to look like you at 50. But that want to live to 50 that want to be fit, you know, and it's stuck with me, because then it brought me to my sweet friends. I lost young, you know, and one of them's always my friend, Ella that I think about she's 42 and fought the good fight of AI in cancer and, and had little kids and I might, you know, she didn't get to see 50. And so I always remember, it's not always easy when I hit these birthdays, especially as I'm inching up there. And I just always try and remember, you know, I get another day and I'm going to say, my age, not with this is horrible, but where other women can go, oh, look, she's putting it out there. You know? Yeah, she's putting her age out there. And she doesn't care. And yeah, well, you've inspired me. Yeah, I mean, honestly, like, I look at you, and I'm like, she's rocking it and feeling good. And on that, you know, it just, it just adds fuel to my fire. And so I hope that we can do that for other women. And that's, that's what I want to do. I just want women to know, they don't have to give up. They don't have to feel like just because they're feeling horrible. And they're on this medication and they gained all this weight or whatever it may be. That doesn't mean that's it? You know, it doesn't mean you have to lose hope and get more. Yeah, give up. I feel like some women are. Well, I hit menopause. Forget that. My hormones are shot. I don't want to have sex with my husband. They're like, I'm just gonna accept this and just roll in with him. Yeah, it's so true. And I was like, I'm fighting this Yeah. Because I'm just gonna be real with you. Like, the hormones affect me just like it does everybody else. And then with the decline of you know, the sex hormones in your Am I not attracted to him anymore? I've heard people say that and I'm like, no, because I've found you were attracted to him once you are attracted to him, your hormones are just fighting against you right now. So I went out and told everybody in the whole world to go get the pellet. Well guess what everybody did and then everyone happened and come back and like I hated our beard or even made me feel this way and so me instead of saying you should go do this yeah, because that may not work for you. Exactly. There are a lot of different options talk to your doctor, get appellate don't get appellate use the creams don't use the cream use natural supplements use excerpt. There's so many different ways that you can help your hormones Yeah. And get that part of your life back because There was at one point where, you know, they always say, you know, if you feed them, and you have sex with them, they're gonna love you forever. Your husband. Yeah, right. Yeah. And I'm really getting sick of cooking. And then I didn't like that. I'm like, Oh, I'm just gonna cause problems here. And so even though my desire was gone and diminishing, I knew in my head that I could get the desire back. Pray, you know, start taking action, discover what works for me. And I gotta tell you, I'm just saying, The Lord answered that prayer. And I'm sure he is so thankful for that. Yeah. And that's, I just heard this from a couple other women, and I just want to tell them, like, it is possible to get that fire back. It is, yeah. Well, and I think, I think, you know, on the hormones and all that it is, it's that whole bio individuality where everyone's different. And just because what I'm doing is work and doesn't mean it's for you, you know, but for me, I mean, I've been on the hormone creams for you know, several years. And it's what works for me, it works beautifully. I get my labs, I get my, I get my labs done, you know, I know where I'm at. And if I need to, you know, change anything, but no, I I've been on it. I tried to get off at once because I thought you know what, I'm just gonna get off this and go cold turkey. Don't ever go cold turkey ever gone. I went backwards into just crazy happened. Oh, I got my vertigo back. Because when I went through perimenopause, I got vertigo. So bad. I didn't know. And just depressed and moody and felt horrible. And, and I did it a lot too, because there was the scares and the myth around being on all that. So once I started researching more learning more, and that estradiol is not bad for you, you know, way back when they said estrogen was well, that's different from Astra doll. And it was also a synthetic yesterday. Yeah, we moved beyond that. So that yeah, that excuse is not an excuse anymore. Yeah. Because I've heard that a lot of women still believe that right. And so now I got back on all of it. I have, I have no intention of getting off it. Yeah, I know the benefits of what it all does. And testosterone is one that I do and so many women don't know how important testosterone is as they age. And a lot of the doctors don't know how to prescribe it. I listened to an amazing podcast a few years back on women and testosterone. It's one I sent to anyone that it was she changed the name of her podcast now. It's Dr. Tina, Ty Na, but it was like pain free and strong. And it's testosterone for women in she is what really just really made me know the importance. It's not just for your sex drive. It's for so many. Yeah. And it's just even just bones in or people think I'm going to get these giant muscles. Oh my god. Yeah, you're not. Yeah. So if anything, I've still lost muscle. Yeah. So it was years ago, and I just felt so terrible. Just terrible. Had all my labs done. And they tell me literally zero testosterone in my body and a woman you have to have some just like men have a little bit of progesterone, another similar hormone. So and going there. And then and then that's when I went and researched it just like you and I was like, Oh my gosh, that's the reason I have no memory. No energy, no sex drive. Yeah. I mean, everything was just felt falling apart. I felt like I was aging faster. You know, osteoporosis, and the bone density, all those things. And so now I encourage women find your a great OB that has alternative. Yeah, things like that. And just get your labs done, and then go make a decision on what's best for you. Yeah. And the creams from what I've heard is a great place to start. Because you have control over it. Yeah. With the pellet. It's inserted into your glutes. It's in there for three months minimum, and no one's taking it out or have to write it out. Yeah. For me, it works. Because it was so low that after they put it in six weeks later, they were like, you're still way too low. So I had to do that again. And so it's been an adjustment and I fought for it. Yeah. If I would have given up after the first couple of months. I'd be right back where I was, but I knew that I had to find the right thing for me. Yeah. So I just want to encourage people out there, do it, not for your husband, not Do it for yourself, when you have to fight for it, like you said, and be your own advocate and keep going until you do figure it out. And that's one of the biggest things that I've said, in in my any of my coaching I've done, I'm like, You have got to be your own advocate, you know, in your own health advocate, and, you know, keep going until it does work. And it doesn't mean it's going to work forever and stay the same, it might change and then you might have to go a new route. But even in talking about the, you know, the sex drive in, in even just that is, so many times as women get older, and they do lose the drive. And I mean, some men can too. But it's that there's times also when you don't feel like it. But again, it comes back to that, almost that changing your mindset, the way your brain is thinking, okay, maybe you don't feel like it. But maybe if you went and made your herself feel better, whether that's taking a bath, or putting on something that makes you feel attractive, or almost telling your mind and like all day long. I want to be intimate with my husband tonight, whatever have that going. And then when it comes at time, even though you may not really feel like it. There's so many times once you're in it, then you do feel like Yeah, and like I can't believe I really didn't write and now it's like, yeah, it's hard to party. Yeah. And I know, and so, you know, I don't know, I think so many women, just so struggle with that and feel so inadequate. And and then instead of trying to do something about it, that it's before they know it, they have a negative thought, yeah. And they haven't had sex with their husband for three months. And then things are getting rocky there. And, and then before you know it, they're talking about splitting up because what do we have? We have nothing else. There's we're not close, you know, it's just one rabbit trail after another instead of, you know, really focusing in and the key like you said, I mean, praying to God, pray, you know, give me that desire. You know, if it's buried within me, and I think I don't have it, Lord, give me that desire, you know, help us to be Yeah, close and intimate helped me to love my husband, like I used to help me to see him through your eyes. Well, my prayer was like, it was a little meaner than that. Because I was like, very frustrated. And I was on my knees. And I was just like, Lord, we only have so many days on this earth. And I want to experience all the gifts that you are that we have available to us. Yeah. And I have a marriage and why am I not praying that? I want that to be amazing? Yeah. I mean, it's not a bad prayer. Yeah, actually awesome. And he'll answer it. And then you'll be like, Whoa, yeah. I mean, that was, I couldn't believe it. Yeah. I never thought to pray for my sex life and my marriage. Yeah. I think a lot of women probably don't, I didn't for the longest time. And that was after, you know, overcoming sexual abuse and stuff. And the things that did cause me to shut down and to cause blocks in my relationship with my husband. And it's like, once I just started working on all that, and just realizing, I can pray for this. I, you know, I can pray that even with the things that happened to me in the past that has nothing to do with my husband. And God created him for me and created sex to be beautiful, and created this for each other. He is a safe place, you know, and yeah, God wants him to be blessed by an amazing woman. And yeah, and have the same gifts and experiences. Like I'm just sabotaging it in my head is what I'm doing. Why can't I just try to go figure this out? Yeah. Because I heard a statistic once of if you're having sex with your husband, sex in itself, the topic isn't such a huge issue. When you're not having sex with your husband. It is 80% of the problem. Yeah. Think about that. Yeah, there's that. And I know a lot of women that aren't, you know, and they're pissed. And they're angry, or he did this, or he did that. Or it starts off with these little things. And then you hold it against them. Yeah. And then you hold it against them. And then your mind is set. Well, whatever you're thinking about your mind shutting down, of course, that's going to shut down. Yeah. Because I feel like these women like you're saying all day long, instead of thinking about I am beautiful the way that I am and he does love me and then start saying all the things, the great things about each other in your marriage. What do we do because I've done it, you just start hanging on to those negative thoughts. Like or I just had the baby and I'm 50 pounds I'm way in our haven't worked out I feel like a slob. Well, he does not want me to find blame, deflect whatever. Yeah, yeah. And I think that the thing which I was very guilty of this when we had kids, they became my number one priority, you know, and it's hard for that not to be especially when you don't have help, and we did not. But that can't be an excuse. And your husband still has to stay first before your kids. And like I said, I'm not good at that. I was not good at that. And but I see that so much in in women. And it's just the kids have taken over. And I get it you're tired. You know, it's it's all the last thing on your mind. You think? But if what if you reframe that, what if you reset that that is not the last thing I need? That's what I need. I need to be close and intimate with Him because it's gonna make everything here. But yeah, because when we're in a fight, I don't know about you and Sonny, or even an argument, like it ruins everything I meant, like inside. Yeah, when we're connected, and we're happy and things are good. There's no stop me. And then when something does come at me through work, or whatever it is, it's like, it's easier to blow it off than it is because you're one and I, you know God once that solid, so you can be a true testament together. And that the heavy get women to believe that, you know, because how many conversations have you been in? I'm not in UNMISS often anymore. And I think it's because I swam myself with that I think before just the bashing, you know, and the bashing of your husband and I don't want him and not even just sexualized, but just anything you know, he doesn't do this right with the kids or whatever it may be. I think yeah. Because now I don't really surround myself with women that talk about their husbands that way. I don't, I don't want to be a part of that. But as you are, it's I'm telling you, it rubs in rubs off on you just you're feeling or you'll be thinking about what they said later. And then you'll ask yourself, well, yeah, you know, that it's that I so in that want to be in those conversations again, where I could turn it around, you know, and be like, you know, encourage them have you what, you know, have you really looked at what was it that you fell in love with your husband? You know, what was that about him? I mean, whatever the questions might be, but I think we forget that. And I think we become discontent, and we get all that negative mindset. And before you know it, maybe we're starting to look at other guys or you know, and then Then why have the thought that it would actually be better? Yeah, somewhere else? Because what are you going to do when you go somewhere else? The same thing, it's gonna be the same thing. With their kids are blended family. Yeah. And, you know, it's, I think that's what I mean, that's just so heartbreaking. Because you just want them to, to see what it was that brought them together, work on that. Not give up and work on whatever it is in here. Like I said, because it's gonna follow you wherever you go. It's gonna follow you. Yeah. And you're gonna deal with the same thing. In my ex, husband, family. Well, I had a friend. And there might be some people out there that would say this, because she did as my husband and I didn't have sex for two years. And she ended up moving away and they ended up getting a divorce. But this woman was distraught Christian woman. Yeah. Beautiful. Like seriously, no kids. And they didn't have sex for two years. She would cry and beg him. We prayed all the time. We we prayed. Have you ever read that book? It's called this circle? Yes. Yeah. I think we've made it in our group. And we prayed circles around our house. And I remember us crying out to God going, give us an answer. Why can you not give us an answer? This poor girl? I mean, she's just supposed to keep living here and not and not getting an answer from him and him keep saying no, what are you talking about? All like, it's fine. And we just need to adopt a baby like it was just this weird thing. And then one day, he just said, we probably just need to separate and she said, Yeah, we need to separate because I mean, literally crying and begging him. Just tell me what's out. Yeah. She moves out. Three days later, there's a new dog at the house. That is Taos. And there's packages on the front door and the new like, like a plant stuff like a woman put out just outside. I'm getting to this there. They were one of our neighbors. They don't live here anymore. Yeah, I went down to the mailbox. And my friend had just texted me and said, I just got a feeling like, it's got to be another woman because she didn't know there was another man, another woman, what was happening? And I go to my mailbox, you know, there's 50 of these mailboxes. Yeah, I got a mine and I get it. And it was addressed to somebody else. And it was a different address. And I was like, Wow, no, who's that? Whose address is that? I'm walking. And I'm like, no sure shirt. It's their house. No, it was the woman's name on it. Oh, no. Take a picture of it. Send it to my friend. And I said, Well, you just braid yesterday. You wanted to know who was where it is. Anyway, wow. Yeah. Wow. The good news is, she ended up moving away. And this man came in her life. And they look like they're related. They're so beautiful. When amazing. And they're getting married. They've been together for several years. Yeah. But to go through that with her. I mean, we ran every single morning, we prayed every single morning, and we couldn't we never saw an answer. Wow. And we I was getting really upset. Yeah, the Lord. I'm like, I can't watch this girl go through this anymore. She wants to have a beautiful marriage. She wants to have babies. Why is she stuck in this? Yeah. And I can't tell you why. And God has a plan. But the way that it ended up coming out was absolutely the most beautiful way that that I could have ever written that forever. Yeah. So hang on. Well, I know. Right? Yeah. Just have they? I know. Pray. Yeah. Yeah, I know. I go. I'm was circling back to when you and I first sat down. And we're sitting here talking just about the whole, just so many conversations that I want women to hear? How am I trying to put it? Well, even like, we were just talking about how we are always judged before people know us. Just even things like that. Where if, if other women could hear conversations like that, you know, conversations, like how that makes you feel like what like just because you see someone out there that might look like this or look like that, you know, don't automatically write them off or assume this or put a label on on or, or just because of your own insecurities, maybe talk bad about them? Or? Because I know that was something that was so hard and hurtful for me, you know, and kept that lack of confidence, you know, in me, very deep. Is it because you felt it? You could just I could do differently or feel when when you are talking to someone and you first meet them? And all you feel is that and you're like, I'm up here, here's my eyes. And I think that's a lot of it. You feel it? You see it? I mean, you just you just know. I don't know, I think over the years, you know, I've definitely gotten better, but does it? Do I still feel it sometimes. Yeah. And it's I try even when I see other women now. And if if I feel like something, I'm starting to think about them. I'm like, you know, you don't know them. You have no idea, their story or whatever's going on? You know, don't don't the first thing I say to myself every time because I'm the one that's sitting here saying this is my problem with women. I don't want to be that problem. Yeah. So before, I mean, I just say give them the benefit of the doubt. Yeah. Even if they look just like that person that was so rude. You give them the benefit of the doubt. Yeah. So true. Give them grace. They didn't do nothing. They did nothing to you. Yeah, I don't know. But what I love about all this in this dialogue, and I think this is stuff that is so helpful and needs to be on your podcast. This is what's so helpful to women and real, authentic, vulnerable. No, you no sugarcoating. Yeah. And just putting stuff out there that are real topics for women that they struggle with. Yeah. And to be able to go, like we said, doesn't matter if it's 10,000 women that listen if one woman listens, and helps her to feel better, causes her to dig deeper, causes her to go save her marriage, cause whatever it may be, go check into her health, whatever it is, I mean, those that's why The conversations to me are so important. Yeah. So even though you only told one person, you could still have that trickle effect Yeah, of helping a lot of people. And that's how I feel about it. When when I'm only here for a short time, and when I go to heaven, and I look back and say, Well, did I just cause a bunch of problems? Or did I really try to help people and help people from what I went through? Yeah, whatever I went through well, and even your your story and your family story and your stuff with miles. And I mean, you have no idea how many people you might have impacted by that or a seed was planted. You know, that's the thing we may never see. A lot of it come to fruition, but we're still planting seeds and just putting it out there and letting the Lord do what he he wants to do with it, you know, amen on that girl.