Botox - Filler - Boobs - Is it Enough?

Comparison is the thief of joy!  This is a topic that every woman should be having with themselves or a friend.  Join a real and vulnerable discussion with Carla Allen, Fitness Guru, and April Larson, top industry Aesthetician, in breaking down the question:  Am I Enough?   Do you struggle with aging and being relevant?  Do you compare yourself to your peers and feel pressure to keep up with society's standards?  When is it enough?  How much plastic surgery or physical alteration is okay and by whose standards?  We open up about our own personal choices, mistakes and wisdom gained through the years.  Join the discussion and let's be the change on how women see themselves.  You are enough!

Carla Allen:
www.carlaallen.com
@adonorsstory
@yourageisnotyourcage

Carrie Farris:
www.thechatterboxradio.com
www.carriefarris.com
podcast@thechatterboxradio.com
Instagram:  the.chatter.box.radio
Facebook: Chatter Box Radio

www.thechatterboxradio.com
www.carriefarris.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Intro
• 0:51 Get to know April & Carla
• 5:30 Beauty Industry
• 11:34 Your Age Is Not Your Cage
• 13:17 The Struggle & Stories
• 32:32 Being Real and Taking Steps
• 48:30 Tools to Get Over the Obsession

Transcript

Unknown: 0:31

Welcome to chatterbox radio. Sometimes things go your way. Sometimes they don't. Life, kids, heaven. It's quite the journey. We hope you'll join us. Hi, friends. Hi. Hi. Welcome back April Larsen. And Karla Allen. I have I've had them both on my podcast separately. And today we've come together. And that topic is so perfect. And then happened with just a conversation with April and I. But before we get into that, I would love for Carla to introduce yourself and your background. And same with April, because we've recorded before, but we just let it roll. And I'm sure people were like, who is what? What does she do? How do I find her? I want to make sure people know who you are and how to find you. I'm Carla. And let's see, I'm 58 years old. And I say that boldly and proudly, all thanks to Carrie who told me one day to make sure that I proclaim my age with just excitement. And so I do but let's see, I'm a wife of almost 25 years a mom to two adult kids. I have a daughter in law. And I'm asked Gosh, health, nutrition nerd geek just do all the things I love, love, love learning and researching and digging deep. I mean, I'm a health coach. But the main thing is I just love coming alongside women and helping them and encouraging them and empowering them just to be their own advocates and to thrive whatever season of life you're in. That's that's what I say is whatever si season it is enjoy it and thrive in it. Yeah, that's kind of my heart. My passion. Amen, sister. I hear ya. What about you APR? 58? i It's a lie. Why leave? Love, ya know? Well, when I first met her, I was like, There's no way I was staring at the back of her legs. Like we're not supposed to. Right? I'm just like, we all do it. For those hamstrings real? Yeah. We totally check out other women. Yeah, I told my always I told Michael that the other day I go, You do realize that when I walk into a restaurant, I'm not looking at men. Like I'm seeing where I line up the other women, and I'm being honest. I did, because I was like, you don't need to worry about that. I'm like, I'm just seeing where I line up here, everybody. I love that. cop there. I told you I'm being super vulnerable. Today, I'm gonna tell you all my dirty secrets. And that's one of them. But I don't think I'm the only one. Right. Like, I think that that's something that we all do in different demographics of age groups. And yeah, we'll get into that. But no, yeah, I you do because when you're you are confronted with somebody as beautiful as Carla and who's as fit as Carla, your natural instinct is to say, Oh, where am I next to that? Now that I think the key is, do you use it to fire up? You're like, okay, that's, that's encouraging, or inspiring? Or do you use it? to intimidate or to be jealous or to desert? And you know, does it create the bad parts of yourself? Right? And that's, I think that's something we each have to ask ourselves, because for both of you, you guys inspire me? You just you just you just drive it harder in me, you know? Well, tell us a little bit about your background. And that means a lot what you're saying and thinks let you do. So. Yep, I'm I'm 45 this was last April. I am a mom of four, almost four fully grown adult kids, which are like, what how is that even possible? And married 20 years, been a full time stay at home mom for you know, 20 years, but decided that I wanted to get into the beauty industry mostly to help with just giving myself something to do and feel outside of what I do. Raising kids and being a mom. Something else that could help me financially or just make me feel like I'm I'm adding to society in some way. So that was cheese. I feel like it's one of your gifts though. Because when I met you years ago, you are going to school for that. Yeah. And you would pour into these women. Yeah. And make them feel good about themselves? And you're good at what you did. And remember, you kind of had a, I did have their own line here of am I taking it too far? What's too far? Kind of thing? Yeah, probably about, let's see, yeah, eight, nine years ago, I sat with the Lord and just felt so heavy on my heart in my in my in an industry that is so corrupt and just it just that vanity self focused this Hellenistic myopic type mindset and I'm, I'm involved in it and I'm encouraging it and right. What I heard from him was so powerful. And it was basically that what other opportunity could you have to get so close and intimate with another person, put your hands on them love on them and pray over them. And I just remember walking away from that and being changed in my mindset of my approach, that it wasn't just going to be about beauty or skincare or, but it was going to be about the person. And I think that's why I have returning clients because I honestly think it's more than just a facial, I think that they're coming for therapy, and they're coming to just release something and you both know the power of hate of touch. And when we become intimate like that with other people, there's power behind that. And so I don't take it for granted. And I tried to be really careful with what I'm infusing into people or the energy that they're putting back in me or I'm putting in them that kind of thing. So yeah, it definitely changed. It changed for me at that point. And then and then I felt good about it. And so I I love it like Carla, I love pouring into women, I love encouraging them. I love helping them to see how beautiful they are and how much they have to offer. And it's definitely it's definitely a passion of mine, too. And I know it's a passion of yours to carry. For sure. Yeah. So where do you think the eight, nine years have brought? Like, where do you Where are you at today with all of it? What are your thoughts? Like? How are you feeling about the beauty industry? And you and Carla? And, and also I thought, I bet some women are wondering about Carla's surgery and being like, Oh my God, you're gonna have a scar? We're gonna have you Yeah. How are you going to deal with that scar? You know, I mean, really? Have you thought about that? Oh, I couldn't care less. Who cares? Right. So I'm so beyond that at 58 years old, I could care less about a scar that it will be my battle scar. It'll be what I can tell people the story about if they see it, you know, I mean, yeah. But yeah, I that is like the least of my concerns. So Carla, sorry, Carrie. Real quick. I want to ask you a question about that. So when you said at 58, I could care I could care less. So when did that shift happened for you? Or? Or has it always been that way? Have you always felt I could care less? Oh, I wish. I wish I'd always felt that no even happened for me. Yeah, it's it's, you know, even as you were talking in the intro and talking about sizing people up when you go in a restaurant, wherever it may, it may be, and you use me as an example. I'm like, I am the one over there. I mean, especially as you start getting to this age, and you do go places, and so many people are younger and beautiful and not a wrinkle and, and all the things and then there you are. The one that is obviously a little more well aged. And it's hard. I mean, it takes a conscious effort. In talking to myself and praying just Lord, let me be confident in how I look who I am. And I mean, it's a constant. It's never something that just flows super simple. It's something I have to work on. And because forever I was the least confident person in the room, no matter. I mean, people are surprised when I tell him that from back in, you know, my younger days, 20s or whatnot. I was I came across confident but inside there was zero competence. It was it was all beating myself up. And so now at 58 A little scar up my belly button. I mean, it'll get lost in a wrinkle or something. So, yeah, I just I don't know, I just that part I let I just let go up, right? Because that's not the big picture. But sometimes we get focused not you because you've made the decision, but others like how can I do that to my body, you know, or how can I do that? That's such a sacrifice what you're doing, and I'm so so admire you for that. Yeah, that's amazing. No, thank you. And if, if your listeners don't know what we're talking about, they're like, What? What is? What could she does she get a tummy tuck? Right? Now, while they're there, that would be amazing if they just, you know, a little bit but yeah, yeah, just briefly because I don't want it to be about that. But yes, I am donating a kidney. And they go in laparoscopically through my belly button. So it will will not even be seven days. Major doing this and seven days. Yes, June 7. And all that six days. Yeah, in all the things that you've had to go through to prepare for that. It's amazing. And I'm ready. And Karla has a podcast, and she is just starting our podcast. And your age is not your cage, Carla Allen. And the tagline is, your age is not your cage. And she just interviewed her friend, Tammy. And so you gotta check that out. She's gonna get that rolling pretty soon. So that's cool. So Carla, what's the? What's the idea behind? Age is not your cage, is it? Is it more about the fitness part of that? Is it about the beauty part? Is it a combination? Is it a mindset is all the above? I think it's all encompassing. But I think the main thing is, it is more mindset than anything, because that's what holds everyone back when when you say your age is not your cage, that can mean you know, someone that's 18 years old, that limits themselves in maybe speaking now boldly about something because they feel like they're too young, their voice doesn't matter. So they let their age cage them in. And then the same as you get older you. It's just like this mindset of getting into that. I'm getting older. Yeah, this is supposed to hurt or, you know, whatever it may be, it's we just put this cage around ourselves and lock it in around a number. And just like 58 is a number I don't most days, I do not feel 58 And it's weird, because I have friends that are in their 30s. And when I'm with them, I feel like I'm their age. And then it's like, you know, a light bulb goes off? No, you're not you could be their mother close to grandmother, I don't know. You know, so it is a to me, it's more mindset really has nothing to do with beauty or, or fitness, it all goes under the umbrella of that. But it's just, it's your mindset and what you do with that, at any age. Yeah, that was good. What you just mentioned about when you were 20, and how you struggled. And I know for me, I've often thought on my journey from teenage years to now 45 I that. It's always that it's, it's, I look back, and I think I was struggling with other with things. It's like there, it's I almost feel like it's this false sense of a goal that you're never going to get to like a thing that you're and you realize, then it is mindset, it's, it's, it's totally in my head because I was just as unhappy with some things in my 20s You know, as I am now and I'm thinking, well, that's so dumb, like that was your new your 20s you know, and then it does make you realize it's just the way that you are viewing yourself or those. Yeah, I love the term cages, these prisons that we put ourselves in, whether it be in the beauty industry, or or like you said, I love that you said the thing about even what you're able to do that being confident in in that thing, that slave that you're being called to do is it's all about in your your mind. And I think that's why Scripture tells us that we're supposed to take our thoughts captive and renew our mind. There's so much that I don't think we even understand about our psyche and our what what we ourselves are able to do through thought. I remember years ago, it was actually our friend Christie that recommended this woman. She's a brain brain scientist, and she's a Christian. And her name is Dr. Carolyn leaf. And she does a really cool brain detox type thing, you could do a 30 day program. And anyhow, she was explaining what thoughts do in the brain what they what they literally look like in the brain, and it looks like broccoli and cheese. And she showed when a thought is given more than you know, X amount of attention. It shows what it does in the brain and those roots of the thought grow deeper into our brains basically. And then they stick in there and they you know, she said so. So one of the best ways is just immediately you know, removing those thoughts or switching the thought to something nails, even if you don't believe in it, because when you say it and you think on it, you know, continuously, then it becomes truth to you. And then that's what takes root. So, and also to that is our brain doesn't know the difference between the truth and the lies, we're telling it. So if we're constantly speaking and importing negativity, that's what it begins to believe. And it's the same. You know, when we're speaking life into ourselves, and positive and constant confidence and same thing, you know, our brain will, will do whatever we help it do. And that's, that's been a big thing for me to understand. And also, with age comes wisdom. And you just start caring less about all those silly little things that just bogged you down. 20s 30s, even 40s. I mean, you know, we keep learning as we go. And that is one thing that and that's why everybody says, Oh, I wouldn't go back and be 20. Again, unless I know what I know. Now, you know, and I mean, so much wisdom has come with it, where you just start calling, I don't care, I don't care what they think about me, I don't care about this, that and it's and it feels so good. So that's, it leads into a great question I have because you, so I'm 45 You're 58 care, you're 52 I went 52 and two weeks, whoo, kind of write that down. So it's kind of fun, because we have 40s represented 50s represented. Like, it's, it's cool. But one of the things I wanted to ask was, so I feel like I'm in carry, this was something you and I sort of talked a little bit about. I find myself. And here's the vulnerability part, like spending an insane amount of my day, thinking about and taught and obsessing about beauty looks, diet exercise. And I want to always encourage myself to move away from it. But I also wonder, so part of it is because I'm losing it, like I know I'm losing it, because I can see it every day I wake up in the mirror. And so there's this weird place I'm in where I feel still, like I'm supposed to be relevant. And I'm not supposed to be invisible yet. And there's, there's there's women my age who are getting many facelifts, and then they look like they're 35. And being in the industry that I'm in, I see it all around me. And I'm constantly, you know, like monitoring where I fall in that world. And so then that's these obsessive thoughts. And then it's the How far do I go? You know, do I get them any facelift. And I'll be really honest with you guys, like again, this is I'm just being super transparent. I've had surgery, I've I've breast implants, I've had liposuction, I've done lots of stuff to myself. And I can tell you with 100% certainty, it's never enough. It's never enough, like I will find I find the next thing that bothers me. And then it's like, Okay, do I do that now? So a I guess my question there were supposed to be a question is, do you feel like it does start to become less important? Is that because of just wisdom and aging? Or do you think it's because of you changing your mindset? And you taking those thoughts captive and you convincing yourself or talking yourself down off that you know, that building so to speak? Well first of all, I will just say what an amazing conversation because how many women probably want to say what you're saying, you know, they want to share about this and speak this out and I absolutely love it because again, it's places where so many of us have been and you know in when so we're being vulnerable and honest and I mean I've done nothing to myself ever except a little facial scrub or or something. But because for me and that is not a Ooh look at me toot my horn you know, because sometimes when I say it I feel like people are going girl you should go do something about those lines and you know, you should do this and do that. And it's not to toot my horn is to say because I was one of those that was always afraid it wouldn't be enough and that I would want to keep doing more and more and more. And also one could I afford to keep doing more as we got down the right you know, because it does get so constantly but also it was also fear of oh my gosh, I will be the one that one eyebrow goes one way the other goes the other way. You know I'll be the one that the crazy things that I do. I'm not doing it. Yeah I mean, the crazy things would happen to him. And I also started getting into what if I went and did something like this, whether it be implants, or lipo or tummy tuck, and I died on the table for what. And so that's where I went most of the time with mine, it wasn't for lack of not wanting to do it, because trust me, I mean, I'll stand in front of the mirror, and you know, and pull things back and pull the neck back into all the things and imagine what it would look like to be like that again. And then I find myself just going, let that go. It does not matter your, your wrinkles, your lines, they show you laugh a lot, you smile. But it still does not mean it's always easy when you look in the mirror, and you're putting on that makeup and it's not going on like it used to. And it's fallen in the creases. And it's whatever it may be, it is a constant, reminding yourself and changing your mindset and loving who God made you to be as you're aging. And I'll say one more thing on it is that I've always wanted to try and reflect. And it's again, where the age is not your cage comes in. If I'm reflecting this of your age is not your occasion, and embrace aging, embrace your age, but yet I'm out doing all this surgery and doing all these things. What am I telling people embrace your age, however, go do all these things. And I want my daughter and young girls coming up behind me in such a time this age, where they're so pressed to do everything so early, of knowing it's okay, you do not have to succumb to all that you can just be you and do what feels right for you. And again, that's zero judgment against anyone else in what they decide to do. But that's what was right for me. And it's, I feel like I'd be going against everything that I'm saying, if I was out there, you know doing that? Yeah. Well, I'd be a hypocrite to say, you know, don't do it. And you shouldn't do it because I have done my own things. I breastfed five children do the math on that. And I had that done for myself, physically, to make myself feel better, because things didn't fit, right. I didn't like how I felt. And so I did that. For me. There were other things like Botox or fillers that I've done in the past, where I've said, I've done it for me, but I'm not I really doing it to look like my friends. And people think that I'm prettier or younger or whatever. So I took a break from that. This is funny. Because last January, April, and I were going to February, one of the two I got paid on one of my voice accounts because I was like, I can't do that, you know, now we're gonna do video, I just want to do a little bit I hear on these lines. I want to do a little, you know, right here. And it's no big deal. And I have the monies. And I felt the Lord. Like, I just felt like, don't do it. And I was like, well, who's that saying that? You know? Is that my other Alter Ego, Tina? Hey, Tina, shut up. Yeah, I'm doing this. I go and do this. April and I are going to record the very next day. And that's when I realized there was something called a fish hook. I don't know what this girl did to my face. And I don't even know what she was doing. I didn't know how much I just said a little. I had one I find the other I look like a hook a gun into my forehead and pull it out like this. And then this eyebrow like this. So it's taken since then. I'm like every night like Come on. Wait, do you have to wait for that to go away? Well, yeah, yeah. Oh my gosh. Wow. So that was fine. It's not like a filler that I think fillers, you can dissolve. But Botox, you just gotta ride it on out. Now. I don't know what they can do now. But I was never going back there again. And I wasn't gonna do that again. And I learned my lesson. Big time and over the years, I feel like it's awareness number one is just being aware of your life and your thoughts. If you are aware for one second and go what are you think about? What What am I thinking about for five minutes? You're going to know what you're focusing on, whether it's working out or the way you look or your food or relationships, or whatever. Because in the mornings, I was stuck every morning I'd wake up and think of Out. Money are the problems are my job's like, all the time, and it was obsessive. And then when I was like, What am I doing? And that sent me down a really, you know, dark path, being aware, and then switching it and start saying all those things of, everything's gonna be okay, I'm safe in this moment, I can pay my bills, I can do this positive positive, because exactly what you're just saying. It gets stuck in your subconscious, and it believes it's truth. And then you start acting as that is truth. When it's not, you keep telling yourself, you're ugly, you're going to believe you're ugly, and you're going to act out all these things. Because of that one thought, you know, but if we can stop the thought, like you said, at the very beginning, take that thought captive, and just deny it, I'm not going to think that. And even if it's, you have to say I'm pretty or I'm secure, or I'm happy, and you're not saying it, and keep saying it, praying and all the things but you're to it for yourself. Because it's going to change, it's going to switch. And so now when I wake up, I've noticed I'm not thinking about that anymore. And I was like, really? It really does work. That's awesome. You have to choose. Yeah, that's awesome. I think I was talking to my sister in law about this, as well, couple weeks ago. And she she really believes that it's a generational curse for me. And she kind of went into why she thinks that and she's known me for 20 some years now. So but being raised in Southern California, and I'm not saying that this is I know that there's countless other women that battle this and deal with it. But growing up in Southern California with a single mom who lived vicariously through me and my sister, she never was thin, she struggled with her weight her whole life. You know, she got me into modeling she there was there was a she was very excited about having a cute little daughter that she could dress up and make look pretty. And I think that there was a message sent to me at some point. And maybe through that, and also through, I didn't I think growing up as a Jehovah's Witness and then not and being bullied in school. There was a shift that happened around 1415 years old for me, where I all of a sudden started becoming pretty like, and people were giving me attention for that. And I was being liked for that. And I was being I was relevant now. And I was important now. And I think that the fear, because it really is, it's comes back to, you know, we either are looking through a lens of love and freedom or fear. And I think that the fear behind it for me is I'm not going to be relevant anymore. And I'm not going to be liked or loved or accepted. If I let this go, or if this this is, you know, changes, because it's something that I think I've identified with now has God told me over and over again, who what my true identity is? Yes. I think it's a matter of how do I just really wrap myself in that. And then again, I mean, you both being in the fitness industry in the health industry, you know, you're like, okay, but I also need to make sure I'm just, I'm taking care of this body like I want to be so that's where you know, as writing down in the notes, like where's the line? Because I can't seem to figure out the line between obsession and constant worry and trying to hang on to this false identity. And just health and well being. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. Well, you would ask yourself, is this affecting my life in a negative way? Like, am I spending less time with my family? Am I not doing the things that I need to do? Am I Am I happy? Am I happy right now? Am I you know, obsessing over you know, this, you've got to self assess. Awareness is so big, this is huge. You've got to have self awareness, and then know what the tools are, to take the steps to get out of it. You know, that's what I was gonna say. Yeah, being aware. I mean, like, step one is being aware and, and then take situation. Yes, exactly. Because I don't know that that awareness of where you're at. And then when those thoughts come in is when then you can take them captive in and speak, you know, life and truth over yourself. And, you know, it doesn't mean I did want to say too, it doesn't mean that we can't do things that make us feel good. I get my hair highlighted, you know, I have exact lashes, you know all the things, it doesn't mean, we can't do things that we love and that feel good. But I think we always need to look at what is the motive and the purpose behind it. Yeah, there are some people that are just working to save money. Yeah. And even believe some of the stories I've heard about women coming home, and they don't want to give anybody any ideas, but they go and they pulse money out, you know, at the grocery store. And then they'll go over here and post money, or they'll, and they'll make a box and their closet stuff. I have clients that do that. Yeah. And then I have women who will hide money from their husbands so that they can come get facials and spend tons of money. Yeah, so and then the girl came, and the girl was home one day, the box flew off the shelf, just flew off the shelf, what boxes? It was pushed, landed in front of her husband. What was that? What is this? And she she told him? And of course he was, you know, pretty mad about it. But yes, we learn that we will go to great X extremities to fulfill this need, like whether it's money, or it's time or hiding it, I had it, I hid it from my husband years and years ago. And still silly. Like what? Yeah, that was gonna feed my ego to make me feel a little bit prettier. So I can act hotter. I mean, he doesn't even know when he sees me. So if I am I doing it for him? I'm not doing it for you can't even tell ya. No, no, no, they don't care. They love us. And that's, that's, that's that's what I'm talking about with the whole. I think it's, it's, it's more about, it's not about getting the attention of men. I think it's more about staying relevant within the demographic of other women that are our ages or what that's culture is saying you should stay on. I mean, for Pete's sake, Kim Kardashian is my around my age. Yeah, I'm just like, and of course, that message to me is, you should look as good. Or as young as Kim Kardashian looks like, is it ever going to be enough for her? Well, have you seen what they can do with all the Photoshop? I mean, it's insane. We think all these people look that way. And they don't. And I love that you keep talking about being relevant, because I think that so much of it, and we want to be relevant to all those women around us. And, and as you get older, you are, it's like our society says you're not relevant, what you say anymore is not relevant. I think there is that thing of being invisible, and how beautiful if we can step out and show that we are relevant or not invisible. And it's because we are confident that we have an awareness that we have Christ in us, and we're not going to allow the world and the culture and what everybody's doing to form and shape who we are. And, you know, I think the more and more that we can do that we can step out, we can be bold, and say we're not going to put up with everything. I mean, we become more relevant, but really it i It doesn't matter if anyone else thinks we're relevant. It's it matters. What I say seeing other people's approval, and not exactly, which is I mean, the whole world. And I want to touch on what Chelsea said about your husbands and because I think that's an important piece of it too. Because if it weren't for my husband, I mean, he is the one that builds me up continually. He still thinks I am the hottest thing in the world. And he's known me since I was 21 years old. So he's he's seen me, you know, walk through a lot. And he is constantly building me up and talking about and when you listen to that enough and receive it enough, where there was a time, I might not have so much but at this age, it's even more more so I hear it because I truly hear it from him. And I see it and he didn't see another woman in the world, but me. And so I want to see that. You know, I want to see that same thing. And I know not everybody is fortunate enough to have that in their lives. But it doesn't have to be someone else. It can be yourself. You can see yourself like that. And I tell myself, I'm not trying to be any somebody else. I want to be the best that I can be. Yeah, you know, and I now my eyelids are drooping every day that I get older and that's gonna happen But if I can just feel the best that day. And it's all about your mindset, you know, your mental health is so important. Your mental health is set, right? All this other stuff is going to come right in the line. And when I say mental, I'm talking mental, spiritual, inside who you are, God made you to truly be you're not an accident, there's a reason why your feet are stuck on a ball floating in space right now. And it's not just to be here and set, you have something and look and look as something to do. But if. But if we're distracted, and we're constantly comparing ourselves to the next girl right next to us, or what they're doing and what I'm doing, how many hours are we done that? How many hours have we wasted? And I think at our age, what is also happening is we're realizing, Oh, this, this, we do really have one lakh, this thing does not go on forever. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to sit around and keep rushing and spending money and trying to look better for who, or you're going to get out there and make a difference. And if it's, I'm not saying just pour into the people around you, your children, you're creating these humans, you know, and affecting their lives for the rest of their lives. But I wanted to tell you one quick story. We were talking about it before. In April, you had sent scripture and it was I think, Ecclesiastes three nine. And then there was a Romans, what was the Scripture? 1120 1121? Through 23. Yeah, it was Ecclesiastes is what it was. And right before that, the Lord reminded me of this story, one of my bosses at one of the big gyms, she had just gotten married, and she was little, they had agreed that they wanted kids. And then she was like, came to me in confidence and said, I don't know if I want to have kids. And I was like, Okay, well, that's everyone's choice. Well, what's the holdup? And she's like, well, I thought I always wanted to have kids and my husband wants like three kids. We wanted to have a family and said them what's wrong? And she said, I don't want to run my body. And I was like, Okay, I get that. And she's like, how did you get over that, because when we were having this conversation, and you know, a basketball team, practically. And I said, because your body is going to be just one day, like, you really have to wrap your mind around this thing is not forever. And that's a sacrifice, of love, that you that is eternal. Like you that spirit that is coming to this world that you're bringing in, is forever. And that is so much greater and satisfying than me haven't stretch marks on my stomach that isn't going to be there one day, anyway, because I'm going to be dust. So I was like, you really need to sit with your awareness and your why, why would you make that decision? You know, and then go from there. She has four kids right now, just so you know. Well, and I, you know, I think to that carry it is if you can, if you can look at it that most of the wrinkles on this face are from my kids, probably. Yeah, I think there's a couple in here from sunny too, but, but also, if you can look at it that yes, I never, I never lost that last little bit on my tummy because of my C sections. Or yeah, maybe my my chest isn't where it needs to be, because that I fed my kids. And that is one thing that you know, Sonny has always reminded me of that, that is the beauty to him in any of it. And I just think if we can try and look at it that way, and not from the lens of the world, but look at it through the lens of God who created us and and created this for that. And it's the greatest gift ever, you know, in my life. And so I just try to remind myself of it again. There's times I'll catch myself in the mirror and go whoa, wow. Okay, well, those are little bit south from yesterday, but they make things to help that. I want to say like, it's not easy. is dealing with that ego. I mean, if you haven't dealt with it yet, there'll be a day. Yeah. But also if you can laugh with it, and here's me, you know, sharing and being vulnerable. But say you're you're going somewhere and you're wearing that, you know pretty tight, sexy fitting dress, but underneath girl that thing you've got the you got spanked, she got things holding that question up. And it's like, I love it when I do that. And then where before I put the dress on my show Sunday. I'm like, Ah, this way you can think about all night and it's, it's like ever Free thing. It's not what you want to see. Yeah, yeah. It's all the hidden secrets. Yeah. Going on there. Yeah, exactly. Any What about you a bra? You were such good stuff, by the way thing. And you both are such huge powerhouse wisdom. And I knew that I was going to be super vulnerable. And I think that God wants me to be and wants me to be transparent. And so I have no, there's no remorse or feelings of like, oh, I can't believe it just shared that. Because it's just it is where it's, it's where I'm at. And it's what I've been struggling with and battling with. And I think bringing it to the surface and sharing it with people that I trust and love so much and admire so much, I think is a huge step. And it's so important, I think, otherwise, you just live in that darkness alone, or you live in that place alone or the struggle alone. But Carla, you Oh, shoot, I just lost my train of thought. Is that what happens with h2? Yeah, that's there. Yeah. You know, it's like I said before, because you are sharing like that, and you are being vulnerable. I do believe that. So many women want to have this conversation, they want to be real, they want to share how they wish they could get over that. And they wish they could give up this habit of spending money they don't have because they're trying to keep up or whatever, I believe full heartedly that women want to have these conversations they're just afraid to, and we're in the age of people don't want to be vulnerable and appear weak, or whatever it may be. And it's like, if you can just let it go and lay things out there. It just opens the door for you to keep doing it. And then it opens the door for other women to do it to us. You know, people hide the mental health or the struggles that they have. That's why I came out and did all this because No body wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to say that they have a mental illness or how they dealt with it. So same thing, like what we think about ourselves, and then like what we do that's so personal. And you don't know that every other girl out there is thinking the exact same thing. I don't know anyone that doesn't have something that they're bearing in there. Because if they said it, oh my gosh, you know me, you know, and I'm Mari you. And I it was funny, because after your trip and we talked a roll, it was like you knew it. You were like we need to talk about this. And it's been a topic that we've talked about, but you're so passionate to get the word out there. Yeah, just an open ended discussion for for. So I did I tell you did we talk after I got back from the Caribbean, we took a 20 year anniversary trip with the kids and went to the Caribbean. And it was awesome and amazing. And I told Carrie that. I mean, Carla, I have not kicked my own butt as hard as I did before that dang trip. As far as exercise goes. I was lifting every day. I was I mean you guys carried because I was like I was on like a seven day. I mean, I just hardcore going at it because I wanted to be like is there a bikini contests? Is there like a money prize? The only reason gladstar myself and, and I so I did right I did for months and months and months. Michael had broken his foot in September and he was home and and so we had an idle ton of downtime to be able to just let me let let him be responsible for some things in the house. And, and then I just go to the gym every day, right? Just doing this every day. So what Carrie is referring to is we go and yes, I was feeling Uber confident in my bikini and I was feeling super confident, you know, on our excursions, and then I come home and then I look at the pictures. And I mean literally my first thought was, Why did I even try because I look awful. And I look fat and I look you know and that is not who I thought that when I like that's not what I thought I looked like, like when when when my you know as I'm standing there, you know thinking all these things and I the second I thought it I went there's something wrong. This is not this isn't this isn't good that that was their first thought it was after I saw that I wasn't happy. It was like there's something so wrong that needs to be addressed with this because i Is there ever. I mean because that's the first time I thought okay, I've done it all I've done it all. I mean with the exception of tummy tucks and you know extreme other things I'm thinking if you are not satisfied and happy and can't see yourself as beautiful or you can't see yourself as strong, which I am I'm so freakin strong I could go out run and outpace 20 year old right now. With how strong I am, and you could you both could to, I don't give that weight. I don't give that, you know, I don't consider that as being amazing. Instead, I consider what my I see and, and the comparison next to a Kardashian or next to the celebrity and think it's not good enough because it doesn't look like that I don't sit there and think, Yeah, but look at how how, you know, strong you are or look at all the things you've done or the babies you've made from this body. And there's, there's, there's a shift that needs to happen, like you said, carry in, in my own mind, and in the mind of other women, that we give more credibility and more confidence to what our bodies have done and can do than what they physically look like. Because sometimes those might not line up. That just may not line up. And so, you know, I think that it's just for me, I'm like, I'm ready to move past that. I'm ready to just give myself the freedom to say it's good enough, girl, it's good enough, you've I could start crying right now. And you've you've you've done, you fought the fine fight, you've you've worked so hard for this. Now, just what you just appreciate all that it's done for you. Because there are women, and there are people who can't walk for Pete's sake. And who, and I'm sitting here grasslands are with no breasts, right? We could the list goes on. Yeah, I mean, it's just, and something else. I can't remember which of you said it, but is the legacy and and what I want to be known for. And and the thing is, is that I it's so ironic, because when I look at I mean, yes, I was already honest about my quick assessment of where I lined up physically when I walk into a room or something with other women. But as far as my admiration, and what I what I find honorable and what I find, as you know, just awe inspiring, has nothing to do with physical appearance. And I can sit there and say that confidently about my opinion of others. But why can't I say that to myself? Why can't I give myself that because, because it's like, that's what I just think is amazing, is what I see and other women that are is inspiring. And, and that's what I hold up. That's what I think of is incredible. The and so there's a there's a there's a separation there for yourself. And I think a lot of us do this where we don't give ourselves the same credibility and, and honor and recognition that we give to everyone else. And I think that's part of the lie of the enemy. I think it keeps us stuck. It keeps us distracted. It keeps us from being you know, truly and fully who we are in Christ. And I think like you guys said the starting the conversation is where it needs to happen with women, and then encouraging one another on tools of how we get unstuck, and how do we start speaking, those things we say over each other to ourself? Yeah, and I think that's a key point, too, is what are the tools because we can we can say all these kinds of things forever. And you know, what are the tools. And you know, one of the things that I've told my coaching clients in different things is, you know, whatever it is for you, if it's putting sticky notes everywhere you go on your steering wheel, on your mirrors, on your refrigerator, wherever you go the most. Whatever it is that continually reminds you of who you are, whatever it is that you need to be reminded of. And, you know, as you were talking, I just made me think about, I mean, think about people, women, that you're around that just exude this beautiful piece about themselves. And you can tell it's not fake, you can tell it's real, you can tell that they are confident in themselves, and they fully just love you for who you are and what you look like or whatever. And it's I mean, when I'm around someone like that, I feel it and it's just like, you know, I was a genuine? Yeah, yeah, exactly. And it's such a beautiful thing. If you can make people feel like that. That's where your true beauty is. Yeah, it's right there and making people feel loved and you can't unless you love yourself and accept yourself exactly the way that you are. Yeah, always, ever, ever. Everything starts with who we say we are. And I and I again, like this is I've I've encouraged and mentored other women in similar things, which is so funny, because it's like, it's like the struggle of, you know, my own personal battle with the awareness of I know, I know what God says and I know who he says I am. And that but the but the battle still rages and it's like so yeah, it's all I think everything comes back to identity. Everything comes back to who do we say we are and who does Christ say Er, and are we aligned with it? Do we walk in agreement with it? And another it's just it's so powerful. And the more that I've learned, is just like with miles and mental illness, you know, when he was going through all that all his stories that he would tell us that he thought that had happened. Were stories from movies that he left on at night time while he was sleeping, y'all. Wow. Yeah, that's a subconscious, D tilde. He was like, Well, what about this, and this and this, it happened? I remember I was there. And I was like, Yeah, that was in that movie. You know, he was notorious about leaving his music on his TV on and all this is just discovery over experience and, and how those things are planted in your mind while you're sleeping. They're actually audio that you can get and play. It's positive, tucking in it speaks like ASMR. And real soft and in music. And it just speaks that so while you're sleeping, you can hear it you can do with scripture, anything. It's about, ask yourself, What are you watching on TV? What are you listening to in the music? Oh, I just like the beats. Yeah. But when they're, you know, saying some really terrible things. Your subconscious is absorbing those words, whether you like the music or not. So you've got to assess, and what are you looking at magazines, tick tock, Snapchat, yeah, all these kids compare compare American American mirror. So my mission isn't to just help others through a podcast and have them become more self aware, I want my children to know this, and implement the tools that we've learned. Because if, like, we always say, if I would have known then what I know now and I tell I told him last night, I want you to get this now, you will be a bigger light, you will be more secure, you will know who you are, you will go on and be mighty in this world, instead of just being what, what you're doing is you're just letting the enemy take over and oppress you. And you're giving your choosing to give him the power. And I feel the young age of self awareness. Right? Yeah, yeah. And, you know, for me, another great thing that people can do, if it's their body, if it's their image, if it's if it's that that is so difficult to believe that your your beautiful, is standing in front of a mirror, you can be completely naked, or put on a swimsuit or something. And just completely tell yourself, I'm beautiful, you know, um, God has created me this way this is, this is my stomach does this because God created that way, whatever it is. Because with me having trauma and abuse of my past, and my body being used in ways that shouldn't have been, you start to not, I mean, you don't believe then that it's beautiful, and that it's for even beautiful with your husband, and whatever. And once you start getting the enemy out of that, and you start pouring that in, in you continually, like I said, if it takes a stand in front of that mirror, nonstop and repeating that, and I've done it, and it's I mean, it has helped me. And it's helped me just ignore those little, you know, flaws of the things that held me back. It's just another way to fight back. And it's another way to take thoughts captive. And also the thing that I've hung on to so deeply is we have to fight with spiritual weapons, and that's with the word and that's with, you know, all the things choose a peace, all the things that get us in a place, and it's fighting with those weapons, not the worldly weapons. And just fighting back and letting the enemy know that he has no place in your body, in your home in your family, and that it is time for him to go. That's good. Yeah, and I was just going to piggyback off that really quick. The other day I did, I did something kind of similar, is I stood in front of the mirror and I thank God for every piece of me, like I started from my head and I went down you know, thank you for you know, this face, you've given me this beautiful hair and, and I could tell like as I was going through that and as I was, by the time I got to the end, I could feel a physical difference. I could feel a difference in just my my countenance, my attitude. So I think that's huge. Even if and I'll tell my kids this in other ways, is even if you don't believe it, there's a saying that says that goes right. Feelings follow right actions. So you may not feel it. But but it'll come when you when you act upon what it is that you're trying to bring forth. You know, if it's confidence, like you said, Carla, if it's if it's your quenching the lies. It's okay if it's not your I hate this term today but like it's okay if it's currently not your truth. That's okay. Like, we can still walk in what we want to be our truth, even if it's currently not the truth and so yeah, I thought that was so good. And then I also just wanted to comment too on the kids thing I will say this that, whether good or bad, we'll see the outcome of this, but I have been 100% honest with my girls. And I've told them everything. I've told them what I've done. I've told them how it's made me feel. I've told them my regrets. I've told them why I've. And I think that's huge, in the sense that I don't ever want. First of all, I've always been very honest with my kids. And I've, I've always been very communicative with my kids. And because I want them to see that I'm human, I'm imperfect. I've apologized profusely over and over to them for mistakes I've made things I've done, I never want them to think that I'm superior, or have some sort of, you know, demigod mentality over them that I just nothing, nothing wrong happens or I don't have a motion or whatever. But what's been really great about it is that it's opened up the opportunity for my girls to see when you do go down this path, like here is what can most likely will come. And it's that it's never enough, at least in me, and I share that with them. Everything I think yeah, exercise dieting food. I mean, I've got down to the weight that I wanted to five times after I have my kid was it enough? It's never gonna make me out. It's never gonna Novia enough, right? Get back on my jeans. And that's when I was like, it doesn't matter. No, it's, it's the session on that scale that I had for so many years. And I would tell my clients, if you want to get depressed, go step on a scale every morning. Because your your weight is going to be different every day. Anyways, every day need is you need a gauge, let's try once a month or every two months. But I did the same thing. Yeah, well, sorry. Before we leave that, because I lost this thought a couple of times when you had brought up like, I'm trying to remember what you said, but how do we not focus on that? How do we know when we're doing too much with fitness, nutrition, whatever it may be. And I think it's also when the shift begins to happen. When we are doing more for our literally our health, we want to do the best things for our health. As we get older, we want to do the best things for our bodies, say say fitness training, whatever it may be, say lifting weights, I want to do that, because I will strengthen my bones and my muscles. And if I fall, then I'm better protected in that, you know, and then nutrition wise, is this serving my body? Well, you know, are these things that are going to help me as I go along to, you know, potentially stay away from things like diabetes and whatever it may be? I think it's when we go more toward how can it help our long term health versus how can I get the best biceps and not that it's wrong that want you know, nice, shapely biceps, that's okay, too. But when it becomes the focus and the obsession over just, you know, when I'm out walking, because I mean, we all know I love to walk and it's, it's I'll be out there going, Lord, thank You that I can walk that someone else cannot walk today that I am out here walking, thank you for my health in that way. And I think if we can turn it to those kinds of things to the Focus starts to come off of you know, okay, so I do have a little roll around the middle or whatever. So okay, that's all right. You know, that's good. That's super good. Off of both those things. So something that Christy and I have been talking a lot about is, I think it's, I think it comes from a Hebrew word, or a Hebrew translation of a word that I'm not going to remember but it's it's, it's, it's translated as, as beast, a beast mentality and that we are not created to be beasts and she and I've talked a lot about what that means. And one of the things I was listening to in a podcast was that not knowing when to stop, not like this, like cancer, like cancer doesn't know when to stop. And that the beast in us is this I'm sorry, my, your, that the beast in us is that same thing? There's nothing that will satiate it. It just won't Stop. And that that when we stop and say, uh, hold on, I am not a beast. I was not created as a beast, I was created as a image bearer of God. And I thought that it was just so powerful when we realized because it like, like I keep saying, it's never enough. You're You're, you're always chasing this thing. And that applies, by the way, with everything right? We can apply that to finances, we could apply that to, you know, I mean, I I've always been, although I will say it hasn't hasn't been a problem for me as of late, like probably the last several years. But even moving to Texas, like, I remember just feeling so frustrated that I was not where all y'all were financially, that we didn't have the house that we didn't have the acres that we didn't have the things that that I thought would bring me happiness that I thought would be the thing that would give me what I wanted. And I think that that is that is that beast nature that we can either obey and listen to, but then we're going to constantly feel frustrated. Because once we get there, and I've heard this from so many different celebrities that have reached the top, and then they're like, the top is kind of lame, like, like, what's next what I need something more I that was why a Tom Brady went back into, into playing because he had won all of it. And then he was like, and then it was done. And he's like, Well, I don't want to be done. I wasn't enough. So so I feel like that's such a powerful thing to recognize in us and realize that but you know, it will never satiate if we can't find contentment, we'll never be able to reach that point. And I think that that's what heaven is for. I think that is what we're all longing and groaning and waiting for. But we were trying to fill it and find it with these other things. When really, it's our eternal home. That is what we're all hungry for. And these temporal things just not going to they're not going to do it. And that comes down to comparison, everything as you were talking, I just kept in my head kept hearing that comparison is the thief of joy. I mean, it just is that seems so basic, but it is in every area if we could just keep our eyes on Jesus and our focus in our lane and our family and what really, really matters because I will say when you start getting to this age, and as I creep to 60, which seems so strange, and you start like Carrie, you said earlier about, you know, your teens, 20s, even 30, you're not thinking I'm headed toward the end, even though you could die the next day in a car crash or whatever. But when you start getting here, oh my gosh, the gratitude and the contentment in the not comparing as much become so much easier and so much more important because I just want to enjoy my family, my friends in the space the Lord has me in and let go of that comparison. Now tomorrow, I may be right back over here comparing but that's okay. I'll start over and keep going. And that's what you have to do. Whatever the doctor told you you had one week to live. Would you spend that week obsessing about your ring call? No good. Ending with the time with your kids, you'd be traveling, you'd be calling people you'd be writing letters, all the things because that's reality, you're not gonna live forever, and you could die tomorrow. And then when you are in heaven, and you're doing your life review, and you're talking about all the things you did, are you gonna sit around and be like, damn, I just spent like, 20 years. I look at my face. I looked at it. Look at me. Yeah, no, it's true. It's true. No, you you'll be pushing April in front of you in line, she she needs to go first. Let her talk to my patient get all the way to do my facial. But one of the things before we finish, I wanted to say was one of the things that helped me deal with my issues was being still adjust being still. And or, you know, if you, if that feels uncomfortable, then go to a therapist, like talk about it, bring this topic up, whatever the topic is for you, whatever the obsession is for you bring it up talk about it. Because when I'm laying there, and I'm hung on something like what you said April about whatever it is, right? Say it's beauty for you. And you were talking about that. And this was my thing, and when I'm still and I say okay, this is mine, and it's hard to give you because it's so hanging on me tight this insecurity, this obsession, this thought, why can I stop? And I really go with my breath. And I really just visualize my spirit going up and meeting with the Lord and sitting in a beautiful place and drowning out everything else. And I say here why? And when this happened, this this happens. You know, I've done it several times, but this one particular time, he brought up a memory In May, and I had net I had, I can't tell you I've ever thought about it since the incident. And he brought it up and I just bald and bald and bald, I kid you not, I was free from that obsessive thought that insecurity just went away. And I realized I needed to deal with that I needed to deal with the pain that was there that I didn't even know about God needed to, let me feel it and let it pass through me. And now it's gone. And so sometimes it's something that's happened to you, or over and over, that's happened to you, that you've accepted and believed about yourself, that's such a lie, that no one's going to solve it. Except if you go and just be still with the Lord, it will be miraculous what you can discover about yourself and release. Yeah. My last thing that I would like to add that I thought about too, is also if it helps, and you have that that person in your life, that friend that can help hold you accountable, that you can honestly and vulnerably share me and I'm really struggling today I was at the gym, and this is what was going through my mind. And I would love to have you just pray with me and pray for me and help hold me accountable to this and asked me about it. You know, I think that's such a beautiful thing, too. If we if we have people we can invite in. I mean, again, it goes back to how beautiful would it be is if as women we just invited others in into that vulnerability, and we walked it out together, you know? Yeah, that's really good. Yeah. And I was just gonna say when you were talking Carrie about being still with the Lord. I think another tool, like what you're saying to Karla is, is having community having the right community, the right people, the right women, I think is key. And even just talking to you to today like this and being real and being vulnerable, that it's, it's, it's a release, and it is sort of like this, okay, that's out there. And and it's so helpful, I think in growth and in the pruning process and the refining process. So yeah, thank you to both of us for such great advice and tools. And yeah, I will say that I'm past the age where I care about being right or needing to feel like my mic like a, what's the right words? You know, where you're just like, well, I look, I look stupid, or whatever, like, I don't care anymore about looking stupid. Like, it is what it is. I feel like being just honest with myself and with other people, I think is a more endearing quality. People want that that's what they're looking like, fit yourself, you know? Yeah, just laugh at yourself dance goofy, if you want to dance. Yeah, be it. Yeah, it doesn't matter in that I wanted to mention that book, because I've talked about it before at the monthly women's group, I do, but because it had such an impact on me, but it's called Find Your people with Jenny Allen. And April, as you were talking about in Curie chimed into on it, you don't just open that to anybody, not everybody is meant to be in your safe circle. And that's one of the things this book I booked I earmarked and highlighted so much she shares a lot about that. And what that truly looks like having you know, your people, and that that book had a lot of impact. For me. Important thing that I need to say about that is please pick if there's people in your life that are acting that way, and feeding that insecurity of yours. It's okay to let them go. The ironic there's not, there's not, there's not if anything, I have the opposite problem. I've told you this Carrie that I have the opposite problem of finding community and people here. No, no, none of them are I'm not talking to you. I'm not talking to you. But like anyone else that's listening. Like if there are people around you that are living this fake world lifestyle and, and you're not feeling that that's giving you much then it's okay to let him go, you won't be alone. Because I've also come to realize that once you start changing that about you, you'll start to see that the right people will start being coming in to your life attracted to that. Yeah, so I was just gonna say, unfortunately, this journey I've been on over the last year it's like God's brought me back full circle to my Texas people, which is so interesting. And you know, and so I've talked to Michael about that. I'm like, so what's that about? I mean, you know, I'm like the community, the greatest the best women I'd have in my life right now. I'll live in Texas. Like are we supposed to move back to Texas? Like what's that about? Yeah, and you are is your house for sale yet? No. It's, you know, April, I think what that is about to the piece of it is the age, the wisdom, the things that, you know, when you and I have talked, it's letting go of things that happen before that when you look back, you're like, who was that? And what was that, you know, it was just so silly. And, and so I think it's just growth and it's just growth in the Lord. And it's just realizing, again, what is important and what's not. And I think for you, and I'm not speaking for you, it's kind of my own journey to is, God is leading me to the people that he wants in my life. And that's, that's regarding Carrie and I reconnected again to you know, and I love that Carla. And that's I couldn't agree with you more. And that's what I've come to the conclusion of, too, is that because there's outside of just this topic, and there's so many things that I've God's been doing in me in the last three, four years, that I think is evident. He's bringing certain like minded people, Carrie, Christie bohart yourself now, you know, which was the quote, one of the coolest things is probably happened to me this year as having you be brought back into my life. And and I don't think it has to do with location. I just, I think that's the other thing is like, we don't have to sit here. And what a beautiful thing that we have today is the ability to have relationship and conversation like this spanning 1000s of miles, but we can have this kind of connection and be able to see each other face to face and all that. So it's so cool. It's so cool. So I love it. And and then maybe it's too I mean because you all I do have history with with you guys from Texas, so maybe the maybe the goal would be okay, you you reconnect in the similar ways with these women and then maybe God will bring more of these kinds of women to you, you know, they're within your community. I've let go of having any expectation. I'm trying really hard to just learn the contentment of where I'm at right now. And then asking God who he wants to be for me in this season and try to go key into that and walk in that and be okay in that uncomfortability whatever that is not not over, analyze it or try to put too much expectation on it, you know, yeah, or find the answer. So, anyway, this is really good. Thank you for coming and being with us today. And we're definitely having both of you back again, because this is too good and we're gonna pick another topic and get after it was awesome day. Love you. Bye